peace, love and understanding

twenty nine

December 29, 2014- 7am.  Ang araw na inoperahan ako.

Sa dinami dami ng araw sa loob ng isang taon. Noong isang araw ko lang nalaman na labis kong ikinagulat.
Kaarawan mo pala yun Rhegs.

Humihingi ako ng patawad sayo Rhegs sa lahat ng panlalait at pagiinsulto ko sayo. Sa lahat ng pagbaba-backstab.

Mas lalo kung naintindihan kung bakit nangyari sa akin to. Upang magising at alsin sa pagkatao ko ang pagiging mapanghusga. I have realized that I am feeding on sa mga kapintasan ng ibang tao in the past. It's like me feeding on negative energy. I am still in the process of being a better person. Bit by bit I will get there.

very rare

Above: Picture of my right eye with the tumor.

According to my doctor, my case is rare. The eye surgeon told me that dalawang beses lang sa isang taon nakaka-encounter ng kaso ko.

What makes my case even more rare is that masyado pa akong bata para dito. I'm only 33. Ang mga nagkakaroon nito ay mga senior citizens.

horse

I am a collector of horses. I am forever fascinated with the animal. I have several horse things.
Even my keychain is a horse ( souvenir ko sa Baguio ). I am not born under the year of the horse just to make things clear.

Yung tita na kasama ko sa ospital nung na confirm ang sakit ko at kakailanganing tangalin ang isa sa mata ko ay ipinanganak sa year of the horse (1978). Nagkataon rin na Kabayo ang bansag sa X-husband nya.

Noong isa sa mga training ko may activity kami. Kung magiging isang hayop ka ano ito? Syempre kabayo ang isinagot ko dahil yun ang nasa isip ko noong mga panahong iyon. Maganda ang naging definition nung trainer ko noong time na iyon which is; Bold and Beautiful daw ang meaning. Which is yoon nga ang nararamdaman ko noong time na yun.

Ngunit ang pinaka malupit sa lahat ay sa taon pala ng kabayo ako matatangalan ng isang mata.

What a coincidence. Ganoon paman hindi parin mawawala ang hilig ko sa kabayo. Hindi ko lang naisip dati na magiging isang mahalang simbolo sa buhay ko ang hayop na ito.

Eto ang link ng blog ko:

http://daniel-wildwildhorses.blogspot.com/

faith

Nagpunta ako sa mall kanina. Mag-isa. Kumain, Tumambay sa food-court, namili at naglakad ng naglakad hangang mapagod at hinintay ko rin mag bukas ang shop na binibilhan ko ng Magic cards. Nagsasanay ako mag function araw araw, tunay na mahirap ang isa nalang ang mata. 

Look what I found sa Bookstore!

amazing grace ( first part )

Days from now malalaman ko na resulta ng Biopsy. It will determine if the extent of the Cancer. Kung gaano na kumalat ito or kung kumalat na ito. Wala pang makakapagsabi.

*Doctor: We really can't tell after ten years or a couple of years may Cancer ka ulit. Sa ngayon we have to determine the extent of your Cancer. Maaring may mga Cancer cells na nakapuslit at pupunta sa ibang parte ng katawan mo. 

*Me in my mind: Magka-Cancer na ano man sa parte ng katawan ko wag lang yung isang natitirang mata ko.

All I can do is pray as of this point of my life. But no matter what the outcome is. Ready na ako. Natangap ko na kung ano man ang magiging resulta. Pero kung madadamay pa yung isang natitirang mata ko. I will not continue my medication and let Cancer spread as I told my family. That would be my choice.

Always pray. God is good.

we're a miracle

" May Cancer ako. Tatangalin nila isa sa mata ko this month. You decide now if you will stay. Whatever your decision will be I will accept. I will understand. I Understand. "

I told him through Text a couple of days before our 1st month anniversary.

" I am angry that you are pushing me away. It doesn't matter if you only have one eye. Mahal na mahal kita. "

I never really believe that true love or a love this strong will come into my life. I know that God gave me him at my most crucial part of my life. He's been a big help. At sa lahat ng napatunayan nya sa akin over a short period of time ay hinding hindi ko siya ipagpapalit at habang buhay na mamahalin, anuman ang mangyari.

Love is a miracle that we experience everyday.

waking up with one eye

I woke up with one eye. Finally it's done. The removal of my Cancer infested right eye ( Ocular Melanoma ) It's been almost a month since I was diagnosed. There are times that I thought I'm going crazy but eventually I got stronger and accepted the fact that the removal of my right eye is for my own good. I am already prepared.

During the process of accepting my situation ay nag-practice nako maglakad at mag-function nang isang mata lang ang gamit. Of course I have to cover my right eye during practice, It's almost blind anyway. It is depressing to think that you will wake up everyday with only one eye. It still is. But eventually I know that masasanay at matatangap ko rin ng lubusan. One eye is of course a blessing kesa totally mabulag ng lubusan.

A friend told me over the phone the night before the operation. " Ang tapang mo naman natangap mo na at ready kana sa kung ano paman ang mangyayari. "

Well it does not end here. In matter of days ay doon ko palang malalaman if I would need Chemotherapy o further operation to remove the remaining Cancer if there is. All I can do as of this moment is pray.

Upon replacing my eye bandage I requested to see what my eye looked like. My Aunt took a picture.