outside looking in 2020

 It's been more than a year. I am really trying my best to unlove you. But the more I try the more my love grows stronger, although matagal na kitang hindi nakikita.

I get it now. I have to accept you in my heart although it's very painful. Parte kana ng puso ko, plain and simple. I really can't unlove you.

I will end this year with a broken bleeding heart. Because I really don't have a choice you are everywhere and everything I do.

I am hopeful na masaya naman ako by the end of next year.

twenti twenti

 Ibang klase itong year 2020

The World is suffering from Covid-19

I lost my job

Hindi nako maka-gimmick ( lalo akong nawalan ng social life )

Nabaha kami ( Ondoy part 2 )

And worst of all everyday I suffer from the greatest hearbreak of my life ( Black Rabbit )

I have no words...

oh my rhegs!

Kamukha nung ex na lalake nung bestfriend ko. Grabe kinilabutan talaga ako.

Legit!

 

untimely demise

 Dear officemate,

Lahat kami na shock sa pagpanaw mo dahil sa Covid-19. Napaka bata mo pa. Ikaw pa naman ang energy ng team natin. 

You will contsantly remind me of how short and unpredictable life is.

Rest easy brother. We love you.

Grabe, hindi talaga ako makapaniwala na nasa urn kana.

this great pain ( blackrabbit )

Isang taon na ang nakakalipas since nilayo ko sarili ko sayo, I still feel the same, as if I have not move a centimeter. I still love you so much. You are are my greatest love. You are everywhere, You are everything I do. Maski madalas hinihiling ko na maging kaibigan malang sana kita. I know na suntok sa buwan yun. But, I still wish you the very best. 

Hindi ako makapag- online dun sa Dating App. Lagi ka kasing online. It really really hurts so bad to imagine na kung kani-kanino kanalang nakikipag-sex. Gwapo ka kasi at bata, tangap ko na na magiging mabentang mabenta ka. Buti narin tangap ng girlfriend mo ang totoo mong reference. She must be in a lot of pain.

I wish you the best. 

thirty nine

 There's really not a single day that I don't overthink of you. I guess I am a little better now. I really hate to say that I miss working onsite, because I know malaking tulong yun to move on from you. If there's only a way to vanish all the pain and to retain the good memories. So many good memories that We have. I really really really miss you but I know that hinding hindi na dapat tayo magkikita.

***

Happy 39th to me. My wish is to completely move on and be happy.

unbelievable

 Hangang ngayon at sa araw araw na ginawa ng Diyos. Ikaw una kong naiisip sa aking pagising hangang sa bago ako makatulog. My love for you grows stronger everyday. Maski limang buwan na kitang hindi nakikita at nakakausap. Hindi naman naging tayo. Ni hindi narin tayo mag kaibigan.

color full ( 2010 )

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posible ba yun?

Napaka-unfair. Hindi ko deserve na mag suffer nitong heartbreak nato'. Since December last year pa ito. Baka naman pwede nakong mag move on. Ano bang lesson na na natutunan ko? Ang pigilan ang sarili kong wag mag mahal. Deym pospible ba yun?

titanic change

4 months na akong hindi naninigarilyo. ( Started April 2, 2020 )

3rd day ko na simula noong mag start nakong mag work-out. ( Started July 31, 2020 )

Hindi ako titigil hangang hindi ko nakukuha yung desired size ng braso na gusto ko.

                                                   Hangang magunaw mundo, taga mo yan sa bato.

strangers

#CTTO #fromyoutube

the last dance

Diko inaasahang makausap ka ulit. Ang sakit, sarap kumanta ng It's coming back to me now.

Madalas tinatanong ko ang aking sarili. Do I really deserve this? Why do I always have to fall to the wrong person. Ni hindi manlang kita nayakap. Ni hindi mo nga ako kaibigan and yet I feel so much pain. I really don't deserve this sa totoo lang.

Goodbye Black Rabbit. I wish you happiness and you are always included in my prayers. I have to promise myself not to fal in love again. I will surely try my best.

the never ending extension

By the looks of it, mukhang matatagalan pa ang epidemya na ito. Patuloy paring tumataas ang numero. Pero kung ikukumpara ang sitwasyon natin sa ibang bansa. Hamak na mas mababa ang na-Covid sa atin. Kudos to our government for doing a good job. 

Why do I have this feeling that things will get worse sa mga darating na buwan.

I can only hope na wag naman sana. Ang hirap mag isip ng positive lang.

best of all

Dear Black Rabbit,  I just want you to know that I always think about you. Although hindi na kita makikita. I would just like to thank you for the special moment that we spent together.

cherry L

It's been ages since we last heard from you. Around 2012 or 2011 maybe?

 I will always remember good old Santa Lucia days where we use to hangout sa foodcourt maski walang pera, basta may ice tea ang isa sa atin at may unli-yosi happy na lahat. Tayong fantastic 4 will never be complete again. You will always be in our hearts. Rest in peace my friend.

Date deceased April 19, 2020

work from home ( yoko na teh )

Yung mag-reresign kana tapos nataon na biglaang nag-quarantine/lock down. Yung akala mo bakasyon grande kana, ng biglaang bangitin ng account na work from home at i-didiliver yung pc sa bahay niyo.

Bottom performer ako bruuu, are you kidding me?
Spell burn out.

apocalypse

Hindi lang nanganganib ang buhay ng mga Pilipino at mga tao sa buong mundo. Gawa nitong Corona-virus.

Pati narin trabaho ko. Hindi na ata ako mag tatagal.

Pinagdarasal ko na sana umabot pa ako hangang katapusan para sa sahod.

Bakit kaya ng normal na tao yung trabaho ako hindi ko kaya. Hindi ata ako normal. 

Natalo pa ako ng mga baguhan. 

to the moon and back

I guess it was destiny na makasama kita sa Valentines day. Tinadhana na. It's really amazing. I never see it coming, Never did it cross my mind. Because I was trying to avoid you. It's been more than two months since huli tayo nag-bonding. Salamat sa lunch date. Salamat sa bonding. Each moment na nakasama kita ay habang buhay kong maalala. I guess this is the closure na hinihintay ko. Although after that It still hurts so bad and it makes me want to cry in front of my working station. At the end of the day you belong to your soulmate and I know that *** is the best for you and forever will be. Your happiness means the world to me.

I promise myself to change the cycle. I have to. Like you, I want to be happy too.

I guess that's our end. It hurts like hell but that is the closure that I am waiting for.

I would just like to thank you from the bottom of my heart. 

And by the way, congratulations your engaged! 

I will forever be your supportive friend.

baby v

Ang hirap pala nung mahal na mahal mo yung isang tao. Lagi mo pang kasama. An sakit pala sobra na hindi mo ma -express yuung nararamdaan mo sa kanya. Ang sakit na kelangan mong itago ang tunay na nararamdaman mo sa kanya.

Bawal may jowa siya.
Bawal d kayo talo.

black lotus

Itinanim mo itong itim na buto sa puso ko, hindi ko inaasahan tutubo ito ang magbubunga nga itim na bulaklak na ang tangkay ay ubod ng tigas at kapal na napapaligiran ng matatalas na tinik. Ang mga marami nitong ugat ay binalot ang loob at labas ng puso kong dumudugo. 

Sa tuwing tatangkain kong bunutin ang itim na bulaklak ay labis ang sakit na idinudulot, Bakit ko hinayaan itong humantong sa ganito.